I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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