Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
