You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
