Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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