Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
