I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
