Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
