The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
