dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
