Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
