no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
