when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
