I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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