Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
