so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
