I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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