im six kinds of drunk right now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
