i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
