i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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