The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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