I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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