Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
