"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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