She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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