Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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