Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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