Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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