You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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