Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
