I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
