Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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