Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
