This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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