At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
