I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
