My nipple is on Facebook.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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