well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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