I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
