id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
