I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
