She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
