I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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