Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
