you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love accidental penises.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
