I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
