Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
