I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
