i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
