i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
