I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
