oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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