Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
