I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
