just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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